machines are only interested in being invented.

-(possibly paraphrasing) alan bernheimer

oh hells yeah revisited

I clearly mixed up Bang Tango up with Mango Tango (which is a delicious fruit juice, not a kick-ass hair band of the 80s).

To make amends I was trying to find a video from their glory days, however they won't allow them to be embedded in a website for whatever reason. Also, I can't seem to find my favorite "Love Injection" (that's my kinda drug!) on YouTube. GAWD! Soooooo Unfair!!!!

You can listen to it here though.

I also should have put L.A. Guns on that list. This is a classic.

Also, I'd like to note that one of Dangerous Toys' most memorable songs was "Sport'n a Woody."

This is the lyrics for it:

Well there' women in the city that make me feel shitty
And there's some that make me pack a wad
But the ones that are fine, oh will never be mine
They won't even give me the time of day
1st Chorus:
I ain't got no money, i ain't got no home
I gotta find me a bim to live with tonight
2nd Chorus:
Sport'n a woody, when you're walkin' by
Sport'n a woody, when you're titties fly
Sport'n a woody, rippin' my fly
Sport'n a woody, till the day i die yeah
Well my woody gets big when you're takin' a swig
And your drink's makin you loosen up
Starts a-talkin' to me, well look down and you'll see
What the hell i been talkin' about
1st Chorus
2nd Chorus
Don't know what i'm gonna do, can't stop lookin' at you
'Cause you're sure lookin' nice to me
Well i wish you were sedated
So i could at least penetrate you
For an hour, maybe three yeah
I can't go downtown much, all the working girl butts
ya know they really make my woody happy
But in the night clubs and such
And all the corner sluts
Might just make my waistband go snappy!
Sport'n a woody
Sport'n a woody
Sport'n a woody
Sport'n a woody
Sport'n a woody, for the rest of my life I'll be...


They had a scary clown that sort of still freaks me out as their mascot:

malls of my youth

this isn't a great photo of the riverside square mall, but this was the "rich" mall. it had the most expensive stores, but it was in the next town over. and they had a gap. I once bought a pair of platform striped lowtop converse from this bloomingdales.

during my senior year I worked at the yogurt delight. I didn't like it at all & of course I never wanted to go, and they wouldn't give me time off for prom weekend or graduation, so I made up some story about having a sister who suddenly got lyme's disease which got progressively worse as time went on. eventually (around prom), she went into a coma. my friend nik would call & pose as my mother, then meet me in the parking lot.

they fired me for stealing money, which I did not do.



















the crappy bergen mall.

my mother used to make us shop there.

I nearly got arrested stealing liquid eyeliner from CVS & was banned from the mall.
afterward, my friends & I threatened to beat up some preppy boys who tried to rat me out to the manager.















this is the paramus park mall. there were (& probably still are) a lot of "big hairs" there.




















this is the carousel at garden state plaza. I loved this carousel as a kid.

this was the mall we hung out the most at as preteens & then teenagers.

in middle school we used to follow older guys thinking that they might think we were hot.

in high school we used to steal tapes from sam goody, make up from cvs & clothes from nordstroms & count out our loot down in the food court. we'd walk around & smoke cigarettes, on the constant look out for someone's mom.

oh hells yeah.

to this I would like to add:

Bango Tango
W.A.S.P
Dangerous Toys
Junkyard
Winger
Bullet Boys
Nelson
Extreme
Warrant
Stryper
Ratt
Danger Danger
Jackyl
Electric Boys
Cinderella

ick.

this evening's headline on yahoo re: celebrity mothers-to-be:

"They've got that glow!
These expecting mom's look chic & fabulous--even with the extra baby weight."

wtf?

are they saying their hot in spite of their state of being all knocked up & shit?

remind me to tell you

about my dream where I went on a date with barack obama & freaked out about what I was going to wear.

3rd poem

this automatic Egypt
shoulders some of the blame

tales of ago take us first to the museum
then to the shuttle launch
in repetitive melodic phrasing

something like this: (you are)
permitted to be a human being

(you are) a many chambered planet
(you are) a limited edition of 512 a bundle
(you move) in separate directions continually

2nd poem

house, sit, straighten and corrode
around the clock is shameful
topless as morning

the final tap-dance was done
prettily and aimlessly

there is a threshold to this
sophistication, I promise
they are but the threshold
plea-bargaining involuntarily
with the gate-crasher

rueful as any teens

1st poem

them in the circuits, the batteries & turrets
I leaf house
a small bowl of flashback
of twenty-first century earth test

it makes my working-ship awkward
fortune-hunting in the A.M.
the sun over my head
there’s something outside the cockpit

then: oh.

how great is this?

these photos are amazing.

it's the summer solstice

& I have to write 3 poems on the backs of postcards.

today starts diane di prima's postcard project. there are 22 of us who will be sending postcard poems to each other for the next year.

I said I'd participate because it's been over a year since I've written anything. I've gone this long before, so I don't worry about it too much. I write very slowly anyway, edit & re-edit obsessively. I've never been very disciplined as a writer though & now that I am a mama, I can't write in the way that I used to. I used to sit at my computer in my room until 2am listening to music with a bottle of wine or whiskey & taking think-breaks by going out & having a cigarette on the porch. now that I am a mama, that is no longer possible. I can't stay up late, I quit smoking & I cannot drink like I once did without feeling like a very bad person. & of course, I don't have that kind of time really, as well as being just a tad exhausted & braindead from running after a toddler as she destroys everything around her.

I have said I should learn to write at work. I mean, I'm writing this at work. but it does take a different brain space. I need to learn how to get into that brain space. how does that work? has anyone done it?

there's more to it than that though. my life has changed in the most dramatic ways, however I'm not going to write mamapoems. or sweet little flowerbaby poems. I mean, I could, but why? it's so googoogaga. I love my baby but I still want to talk about the inability to relate to animate & inanimate objects in the vast expanse of matter & anti-matter. & lost. I still want to write about lost. time travel? moving islands? that's where it's at.

by the way, life IS a rainbow. Miss H. Berry, how right you are.

wtf?

getting to know us

the other day, an old friend dating back to middle school, sent me a questionnaire entitled "getting to know you 2008." at first I was skeptical (not to say I am not still skeptical. if you know me, you'll know that I am nothing if not skeptical). I usually don't read forwards or forward them on. in fact, let me take a moment to say please don't send me some sentimental crap forward about how our lady friends are so special. I will likely think less of you for it. (see, now you're really getting to know me...)

in any case, it was interesting to read my friend's answers to the 50 some-odd questions. & I thought about how long it had been since we'd been day-to-day friends. you know, someone who'll go shopping with you or drop in for coffee. then I realized since miss M came along, I don't really have any day-to-day friends. (sorry, BC, you count differently). most of my old friends live far away & the ones who are here, I usually only see them at readings or larger social events. not much time to talk about what's really happening & as you all probably know--I am not a phone person. I don't know when that happened, but I am just not. in any case, that's not really what I wanted to talk about here. what I wanted to talk about here was how I thought that there were questions the questionnaire missed asking. things that would bring about a much more telling answer than asking what color hair one had or how many keys one has on their keychain. so I added some questions when I sent mine to a few people:

• do you keep a journal or a blog? (thinking about this now, they should have be differentiated as it's very different to write in a journal than to write a blog--or so I hear).
• what is your biggest time-waster? (& maybe I should have said something like "what do you do that seems like a waste of time?")
• what is your biggest quirk?

I have to say, of the responses I've gotten--the last question has resulted in some very interesting & surprising answers. I think some believe a "quirk" to be a negative--something that is wrong with them, whereas I think of it that sets you apart from others--what makes you weird or nicely put: "unique." so some answers were kind of along the lines of "I am this, when I should be this." but even in that, it's a little more vulnerable than we usually are with each other. admittedly, I didn't overshare on mine (not to say that anyone did "overshare"--I didn't get any TMIs--yet). but it is interesting, the way we answer questions, the way we monitor what we project outward & how that can be somewhat nerve-wracking. whether one is "worrying" about it or simply conscious of it. noticing difference can be alienating, though noticing sameness can be well, inwardly alienating. does that make sense? if I see that I am the same as many others in certain respects, it makes me wonder how truly individual I am.

but I am getting off point.

this did make me wonder what things we wish people would ask us. maybe not everyone, maybe just people close to us. you know the experience you can have when someone asks you about something you've never really thought about & how strange it is NOT to have an answer ready, but have to think about it or work it out right there.

I am meandering now, so I will shut up now. in any case, this is mine:

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:35AM
2. Diamonds or pearls? Neither, emerald, sapphire or opal.
3. Last movie you saw? The Savages
4. What is your favorite TV Show? Lost
5.What do you usually have for breakfast? English muffin w/scrambled eggs
6. What is your middle name? Renee
7. What food do you dislike? Lima beans
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? No CDs but listening to lots of 60s Jamaican reggae & dub the last few days
9. What kind of car do you drive? Toyota Corolla
10. Favorite sandwich? Tuna melt on rye
11. What characteristic do you despise? Arrogance & insensitivity to others
12. Favorite item of clothing? My gray-blue & maroon sweater from the 70s I’ve had for 12 years.
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Paris
14. Favorite brand of clothing? Ones made in the 70s.
15. Where would you retire to? If I had my way, the French countryside or Italy .
16. Favorite birthday? 30th
17. Favorite sport to watch? Baseball
18. Furthest place you are sending this? Germany
19. Person you expect to send it back first? Not sure
22. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night!
23. What is your shoe size? 10
24. Pets? nope
26. What did you want to be when you were little? Ballerina
27. How old are you today? 33
28. What is your favorite candy? Dark chocolate truffles
29. What is your favorite flower? Lotus
30. What day are you looking forward to? Saturday…
33. What are you listening to right now? Desmond Dekker
34. What was the last thing you ate? cherries
35. Do you wish on stars? yup
36. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Midnight blue
37. How is the weather right now? a bit prickly
38. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Mina’s teacher
39. Favorite soft drink? Cream soda
40. Favorite restaurant? I don’t really have one right now.
41. Hair color? Reddish brown
42. What was your favorite toy as a child? Fisher Price people
43. Summer or winter? Summer
44. Hugs or kisses? Both
45. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate!!!
46. Coffee or tea? coffee
47.Do you want your friends to email you back? um, yeah...
48. What is under your bed? A box of old cosmetics, jewelry, lotions I don’t use…
49.What did you do last night? We had Brent’s sister over for dinner, wrote thank you cars, watched Daily Show & Colbert Report.
51. What are you afraid of? Sharks
52. Salty or sweet? Salty then sweet
53. How many keys on your key ring? Which key ring? I have 2—probably 12 in all.
54. How many years at your current job? 1 year 8 months
55. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
56. How many towns have you lived in? 7 (that I can remember)
57. Do you keep a journal or blog? Yes, both.
58. What is your biggest quirk? I can’t help but answer most (or any) questions asked of me, even ones obvious with obvious answers.
59. What is your biggest time-waster? Facebook
60. Do you make friends easily? Good friends, no. Acquaintances, yes.
61. How many people will you send this to? 8
62. How many will respond? Not sure

told you

robots can heart me.

because I am sleepy

the big day

so we're planning a wedding.

wedding planning is like this ridiculously laborious thing, even though it could (?) maybe should be sort of simple. as simple as inviting family & friends over, but no. not really. because you'd still have to make sure all the important people are there. for that you have to make a list & actually contact them. you have to decide on whether a phone call, an invitation or email would be best. then you have to find out whether or not they're actually coming & keep track. then, of course, you have to decide on what to wear. even if it's just jeans & a t-shirt, you still have to put something on. you'd have to get a license & someone authorized to perform such a ceremony. then there's what will be said at the ceremony. and how the ceremony will happen-even if you'll just happen to be standing by the officiant when the ceremony begins, that has to be figured out & staged in some way. even if it's bare bones, you still have to decide that it will be bare bones. what about something to eat? people have to eat. and drink, of course. people must drink! & they need some place to sit when they are eating & drinking. & they'll need something to eat & drink on & out of! & music!!!

& all of that is even before the pressures of cohesion and beauty come into play. before people expect the bride to wear a big white dress & be served a full meal on color-coordinated napkins & table linens & throw stuff at the couple & clink their glasses to get them to kiss & make long boring speeches that make everyone tear up. people want this kind of thing & if they don't get it they are surprised. perhaps dismayed or just disappointed. but really, it's just about doing things the way that others have done them, even if they've only been doing them that way for 50 years. if it looks different, they don't know what to do with themselves. which is like a lot of things. but then again, it could be simple. we could go to city hall & have done with it. but in some ways I'd feel cheated even though I had never thought about what my wedding would actually be like, outside of the conversations I had in college with my friends about how we'd all be doing bonghits in the bathroom together at our weddings...

I will not be doing bonghits in the bathroom at my wedding. it would make me paranoid & then I wouldn't want to talk to you & I'd have to because it's my wedding & that would be a bad scene.

but lest you think I am a person who couldn't care less about all this wedding crap, I'm not. I am a fool for ambiance. for me, it makes socially awkward situations that much more comfortable. when you encounter someone you only know slightly & you've gone through all the proper details about your lives that have taken place since you last saw each other, you can strike up a conversation about the surroundings--like "what a lovely party this is!" "those canapes are to die for." etc. etc. ambiance can transport you to another plane--I'm not talking about having a fairytale wedding or something, but there is something in the social role-playing that is eased when the music, decor, lighting, food, etc. are put together in a pleasing way. I mean, why go to one bar or restaurant over another? it's not really rocket-science, but it is a lot to think about. & of course, it's nice for us, for our families & friends celebrating us & how great we are. wait. is that not what the wedding is about? I mean, how wonderful human love is on a little blue planet spinning in the midst of unfathomable spacious nothingness.

& so how does one throw a party for that? well, you can't really, or you could & it'd be like burning man. so, how do you throw a wedding that is lovely but not insanely expensive, that makes you & others happy (including family members who'd really rather you not have that tim burton themed wedding). of course, it's easiest to go with what is out there, what you've seen at other weddings, tulle & what not. it's actually more complicated & time-consuming to rethink the whole wedding process. I mean for instance, I don't want a big white strapless dress with an enormous train. can anyone really imagine me wearing something like that? (it's kind of hilarious actually.) so I'm likely going to get a dress made because I can't find what I want amongst the $2000 beaded monstrosities that are wedding gowns. & what about flowers? a month ago, I couldn't tell you freesia from a chrysanthemum, but now yes. I sort of have to because I'm not going to have a florist come up with something that I can just say "oh fabulous!" to & have it be done with. I'm not complaining but it is difficult to navigate the territory when you don't want 85% of the crap that's thrown at you. jordan almonds? yuck.

and have you ever looked at those wedding magazines? eeeek. triple eeeek.

that's all I have to say about that for now. I'm sure there will be more. much more...

songs I have had stuck in my head today

This morning it was this:



Then it was this (which is BC's fault):


Now it's this:



why o why?