the big day

so we're planning a wedding.

wedding planning is like this ridiculously laborious thing, even though it could (?) maybe should be sort of simple. as simple as inviting family & friends over, but no. not really. because you'd still have to make sure all the important people are there. for that you have to make a list & actually contact them. you have to decide on whether a phone call, an invitation or email would be best. then you have to find out whether or not they're actually coming & keep track. then, of course, you have to decide on what to wear. even if it's just jeans & a t-shirt, you still have to put something on. you'd have to get a license & someone authorized to perform such a ceremony. then there's what will be said at the ceremony. and how the ceremony will happen-even if you'll just happen to be standing by the officiant when the ceremony begins, that has to be figured out & staged in some way. even if it's bare bones, you still have to decide that it will be bare bones. what about something to eat? people have to eat. and drink, of course. people must drink! & they need some place to sit when they are eating & drinking. & they'll need something to eat & drink on & out of! & music!!!

& all of that is even before the pressures of cohesion and beauty come into play. before people expect the bride to wear a big white dress & be served a full meal on color-coordinated napkins & table linens & throw stuff at the couple & clink their glasses to get them to kiss & make long boring speeches that make everyone tear up. people want this kind of thing & if they don't get it they are surprised. perhaps dismayed or just disappointed. but really, it's just about doing things the way that others have done them, even if they've only been doing them that way for 50 years. if it looks different, they don't know what to do with themselves. which is like a lot of things. but then again, it could be simple. we could go to city hall & have done with it. but in some ways I'd feel cheated even though I had never thought about what my wedding would actually be like, outside of the conversations I had in college with my friends about how we'd all be doing bonghits in the bathroom together at our weddings...

I will not be doing bonghits in the bathroom at my wedding. it would make me paranoid & then I wouldn't want to talk to you & I'd have to because it's my wedding & that would be a bad scene.

but lest you think I am a person who couldn't care less about all this wedding crap, I'm not. I am a fool for ambiance. for me, it makes socially awkward situations that much more comfortable. when you encounter someone you only know slightly & you've gone through all the proper details about your lives that have taken place since you last saw each other, you can strike up a conversation about the surroundings--like "what a lovely party this is!" "those canapes are to die for." etc. etc. ambiance can transport you to another plane--I'm not talking about having a fairytale wedding or something, but there is something in the social role-playing that is eased when the music, decor, lighting, food, etc. are put together in a pleasing way. I mean, why go to one bar or restaurant over another? it's not really rocket-science, but it is a lot to think about. & of course, it's nice for us, for our families & friends celebrating us & how great we are. wait. is that not what the wedding is about? I mean, how wonderful human love is on a little blue planet spinning in the midst of unfathomable spacious nothingness.

& so how does one throw a party for that? well, you can't really, or you could & it'd be like burning man. so, how do you throw a wedding that is lovely but not insanely expensive, that makes you & others happy (including family members who'd really rather you not have that tim burton themed wedding). of course, it's easiest to go with what is out there, what you've seen at other weddings, tulle & what not. it's actually more complicated & time-consuming to rethink the whole wedding process. I mean for instance, I don't want a big white strapless dress with an enormous train. can anyone really imagine me wearing something like that? (it's kind of hilarious actually.) so I'm likely going to get a dress made because I can't find what I want amongst the $2000 beaded monstrosities that are wedding gowns. & what about flowers? a month ago, I couldn't tell you freesia from a chrysanthemum, but now yes. I sort of have to because I'm not going to have a florist come up with something that I can just say "oh fabulous!" to & have it be done with. I'm not complaining but it is difficult to navigate the territory when you don't want 85% of the crap that's thrown at you. jordan almonds? yuck.

and have you ever looked at those wedding magazines? eeeek. triple eeeek.

that's all I have to say about that for now. I'm sure there will be more. much more...